We achieved purchasing a home together which is one of my proudest accomplishments as a couple because we did it without the use of my parents credit. I owned a couple of houses in the past as a joint owner with my dad, but we did this without him being on the loan at all. We have continued to make improvements to make it as close to a dream home as possible.
Part of my idea of a dream home would have room for my daughter to live with us one day. Around the time she turned 12, my mom had a stroke and my dad had increased responsibilities of caring for my mom. He had already given up golf as they enjoyed going to the fitness center and doing things together for the past couple of years, but it became harder for him. It was even harder for my dad when he realized that his prostate cancer came back. A combination of poor doctor evaluation and his neglect to get a second opinion left him deteriorating rapidly.
My wife who had been struggling with her own migraines, stepped up to help my dad care for my mom. She would drive over to my parents house a couple of times a week to help give my mom a bath. My dad felt that he needed more help for my mom and wanted to make sure that my mom was taken care of if and when he should die. After looking at many alternatives, he finally asked us if they could move in with us because they felt most comfortable with my wife and knew that our house provided enough space with some simple modifications.
By my parents moving in with us, it would help with our bills, but increase our responsibility to be home for them. My parents moved in with us, sold their home, and every week I was taking him to the hospital because the pain he was suffering. My wife was suffering too with a combination of the migraines and got pneumonia again. I basically made my mom do a little more for herself and she was doing things that my dad and wife couldn't get her to do.
My mom was doing better, then she fell getting out of the car after coming home with my dad. We believe that she had another stroke, but that was the least of the concern as her wrist had a compound break. My wife was mortified because she felt that she could have caught my mom from falling. My wife was so caring that she stayed with my mom over night in the hospital because she was afraid that the nurses would not understand my mom because my mom was not speaking well after the fall.
This is just one of the many selfless things that my wife has done for my mom. When my mom was in rehab after the fall, she would tell the nurses that her daughter in law would do this for her and my daughter in law would do that. My wife even stayed in the rehab facility with my mom a few times over night. She would take something for my mom to eat in the middle of the night. My mom would call her and ask her for something. This was surprising because sometimes she would call my wife instead of my dad.
After my dad passed, my mom became a little hard to deal with at times which was understandable. They were married 49 years when he passed. My mom would say or do something that was so rude and piss my wife off. My wife wanted to leave, but when we went to the store, she was always thinking of something for my mom. My mom became the kid that we never had because we never wanted. I tried to think of a nicer way to say it, but it is what it is. We have changed what we do to make sure we are here for my mom.
Unfortunately, when you care for someone, you have a tendency of putting their well being ahead of your own. My wife and I have both gained weight, ate a little more freely and exercised less. Before my parents moved in with us, we would go for bike rides in the afternoon. We would watch TV shows together or would go out of town for the day. Things have adjusted and not in a good way since my parents moved in.
Now that my mother is still here, she appears to be in good health, but mentally she is deteriorating. She loses focus easily and there will be a day when she will go into a nursing home. That day may be sooner than later, but I feel that we are unprepared for that day. I know that my wife being the loving and supporting person that she is will go up there to see my mom too many times.
I say how caring my wife is for my mother, but she doesn't stop caring for me. She prepares a meal for me when she sees that I am working hard in my office. She will make me breakfast and have it ready before I am ready to sit for it. She is my perfect compliment as we fit together well. We are different, but same in different ways.
I have realized that one of the ways that we are the same is our health. Thankfully we have decent insurance with the Affordable Care Act, but that doesn't help our weight. We both gained more weight since my parents moved in with us and we need to be ready to enjoy the rest of our lives together when my mother leaves. I love my wife and appreciate her so much for being the perfect partner. I just want her to know that I want to go places and do different things with her soon. I want to make passionate love with her and it not be a struggle of one of us rolling off the other. We can't turn back time, but we can make things better for our future and I desire to be with her for the rest of my life. We must have to do a little every day.
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